


Please Leave

by orphan_account



Category: Xenogears
Genre: Ableist and minimizing language used in some dialogue, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Brief reference to Fei dissociating, But Sigurd intervenes there, Food, Gen, Language, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Canon, Reference to canon apocalypse, References to Canon, Stupidity, Those are not my views, entitlement issues, extremely ignorant OC, possible death of OC if the dinos do get him, reference to addiction (or greed) your choice which, reference to canon fictional racism, reference to canon violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 02:06:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19843312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A story inspired by the radish seller in Bledavik, unintended consequences, and sufficiently advanced ignorance. In a world where everyone must help each other to survive, a shady businessman extraordinaire just wants his Spicy Scorched Lahan Radishes.





	Please Leave

The knock at the workshop door at first didn’t draw Citan’s attention from the project of the day - a solar operated Gear for planting and maintaining farmland, made from what was left of the scrapped Heimdal. “If I can wire the generator here to the battery on the back rather than to an internal core and the slave generator, and get enough power feeding back into the generator to start the loop…”

Yet the knocking kept up, and he realized whomever it was, was not taking the hint of being ignored to go away. Which meant it had to be something important, so he put down his tools and walked toward the door. Someone stood there that he did not recognize, someone who was not there in Sigurd’s last count of the Lahan settlement and Yggdrasil population from three months before then. It didn’t make sense, but maybe someone  _ had _ been hiding out in a cave or some such and finally ran out of supplies. “Yes? I have not seen you around here before. Do you need something?”

“Spicy scorched Lahan radishes!” The man stared at him, appearing surprised. “The guy I bought them from at the festival said they were from Lahan, and I could _just_ not get enough! Once the festival was over, I could not stop eating them, and then… then I ran out! Unfortunately I lived aaaall the way out at the other end of the Ignas desert so I set out on a journey. I wanted to find the magical place that grew them, and yet all I see here is a bunch of ruins, and a couple farms, but no radishes. Then I walked up here, and saw this nice house of yours. Do you know where Lahan is?”

“It _was_ what you saw.” Citan stared for a moment - the man was unarmed and dressed in now torn and ruined dirty Ethos pilgrimage armor and clothes. “May I ask  _ where you have been _ the last two years?”

“On a walk through the desert of course!” He seemed absolutely confused at the question. “My sand buggy broke down around six months ago. It lost all power and stalled out, so I just got out and started walking! I wouldn't let a little thing like a vehicle breakdown get to me!"

“Did you not… notice _anything_ else?”

“Oh yeah, before that there was a few earthquakes right before I left. We always get those though. And then there was all that howling noise before that, but you know, jackal and rankar breeding season, and they make so much of a racket when they’re goin’ at it, and then I lost power outside of Dazil a little bit after that, and there was nothing there but these odd things crawling on the ground-”

“...I will tell you later, but you are entirely unaware of how lucky you are to be alive.” 

“I don’t care about that! If I’m here, where are the radishes? I want my spicy scorched pickled radishes and you’re just keeping them to yourself, aren’t you?”

“Actually, that is  _ not _ what happened. You  _ do _ know the end of the world as we know it happened months ago? All Wave power except for one final surge left in the batteries that could hold backup supply is gone. Before that, ninety percent of living beings on this planet were killed from being transformed. The planet itself was terraformed in places! How did you _possibly_ miss all of that going on around you!”

“You sound crazy…and you are greedy, I can tell, and your hair and glasses look so nasty...” the man said, and eyed him suspiciously. “Fine then, asshole, if you won’t sell me my radishes for a reasonable price I will find someone here who will!”

The man stormed off, and shoved past Fei who was walking in, as he walked out the workshop door. “What was that all about? I heard yelling.”

“...A new survivor, unfortunately disproving for good any theory of survival of the fittest.”

“Aren’t you gonna go after him and help him get set up here like we have the others?” 

“Not at the moment. If you feel like it, you can, but I have a feeling he is headed to the Yggdrasil, and I would rather leave this matter to Sigurd to explain, as he is technically our village chief for now.”

“I’ll go,” Fei said. “I needed to get there anyway. Sigurd wanted me to try to power the generators.”

“Please do be careful with that.” Citan hugged him. “I know it is very difficult for you. And if you feel…”

“Nah, we’re all fine for now.” Fei smiled at him. “Also I need to ask Billy if he can cook for us tonight anyway.”

* * *

Sigurd stared at the man before him, in his ragged and dirty Ethos pilgrimage armor. “So… you say you are from the other end of Ignas? You are new here?”

“Yessir, and you do seem so much more attentive and not distracted than that guy I talked to up on the hill. You look like someone who actually knows something. Instead of just babblin on about the end of the world like a crazy fool with dirty glasses! So tell me, can you get me some spicy scorched pickled radishes for five G per jar? Since you grow them right here you shouldn’t have to charge so much!”

“...'That man' you spoke to was my friend, and he was telling you the truth, although he can be a bit blunt about it. You  _ are _ aware of what has happened to this world you live in, are you not?”

“You’re going to bullshit me with that too? Fine! I need my radishes! I haven’t tasted something so wonderful in years, and I’m even willing to pay fifty G if you-”

“Currency is worthless.” Sigurd tapped on the clipboard he held with a pen. “I will register you as one of the survivors. That is all I can do for now, and you might want to clean up and get some clothes that don’t look like you did three rounds with a Wels and smell like piss.”

“What’s a Wels? Anyway I want my radishes, dammit, and if you do not have them I will just keep asking everyone until I find someone and-”

“Look around you. What else do you see here. Do you see _anything_ with radishes? Any merchant stalls? Anything but those two farms, this destruction, that house on the hill, and my ship? I will insist you stay, though, as it is getting close to evening, and I am frankly amazed _you_ made it here.”

That was when the man huffed, turned around, and this time walked into Fei, and Sigurd watched, suddenly feeling very worried.

“You! You with the ponytails! I saw you up at the house up there with that weird guy with the glasses who wouldn’t give me my radishes! Can’t you take some and give them to me? I want my spicy scorched Lahan radishes! They had the most perfectly burned taste with hints of charcoal and-”

Sigurd grabbed Fei’s arm and dragged him away as he stood there, the dazed stare becoming apparent. “We  _ have _ to discuss the generators. I hope you do not mind that he can’t help you right now!”

“Fine then! I am sure you have radishes somewhere on this ship and I will find them! I will find them and then I will make you all pay for giving an honest customer the runaround! Buncha liars with your end of the world scam, everyone’s going to hear about this!”

Bart wandered in at that moment. “Haven’t seen you ‘round here before, man. Guess you must’ve wandered in out of the desert down there. Anyway…glad you’re here, we need all the help we can get.”

“Help? Are you saying I am a common worker? I built my own house in the desert with my own hands and the income from my very successful business. You and that man there look like mere pirates who can’t make an honest living, but even pirates have radishes, no? Will you give me some spicy scorched radishes? They don’t even have to be the Lahan ones as long as they’re free!”

“You’re almost as good at running your mouth as Hyuga,” Jesse snapped from behind them. “But there’s nothin’ there. Shaddup about the radishes. Unless we got some, but I don’t remember plantin’ those.”

Bart looked over at him and nodded a quiet thanks. “I’ll check our storage on one condition,” he said. “That condition being that you, since you say you built your own house, you help us build. I’m sure I can find some radishes and a way to scorch ‘em, right?”

“Well, err, uh, I didn’t _exactly_ build my own house, but I am really rich! I promise you when we get back there I will give you a permanent room in my mansion for all your troubles,” he said, as he followed Bart to the Yggdrasil’s kitchen. “I am so happy to finally find someone here who’s a normal person! This entire place is so creepy. What’s wrong with everyone?”

“What’s wrong with everyone, is we _all_ _tried_ to tell you your situation, what the hell happened, and you still can’t pull your head outta your ass.” Bart grabbed a jar in the storage. “Pickled radishes. I saved ‘em back then as a souvenir. These will be the last you have until fall. Enjoy. And the only payment I’ll ask is you don’t ever talk to Fei about Lahan again and you make yourself of some kinda use here.”

“Thanks!” The man opened the jar of radishes and picked one out and popped it into his mouth. “Delicious! I knew you -Lambs- were just holding out on me, one thing I have learned down here is you just got to be persistent and know how to manage people and you get what you want. You should learn that too, young man.”

“I’ve learned _enough_.” Bart glared at him. “Take your radishes and if you know what’s good for you,  _ leave _ .”

“Why should I leave? I left Etrenank because I was better than anyone else there, Central Command wouldn’t promote me to First Class like I  _ deserved _ . I’m a veritable fount of knowledge and wisdom and there is just _no_ way I couldn’t help you all become great again-”

“Chu need to leave.” She stood there, furry paws on hips. “You don’t want to help anyone but yourself. Meanie.”

“A talking stuffed animal? This is very rare, could I buy it?”

“Of course!” Billy leaned in. “Only ten G.”

“It’s a deal! Thank you so much for finally understanding and having some truly good business sense,” he said, as Chu-Chu winked at Bart and Billy. “Now, can you direct me to where I will stay?”

“She will do that. She’s _very_ capable of it.”

“Then it is a deal! See, this is what you people need to know about how to really make money, not going on about the end of the world and survival! I’m certain that once you can fly me back to my home you will be very impressed and learn a lot from me!”

* * *

“May we go now?” Chu-Chu asked, and led him out of the Yggdrasil before she began to grow.

“What the hell is this, you are a mere stuffed-”

“No, I am Chu-Chu, and we have all decided we had enough. I could sit on you, but I’m not mean. I will just drop you off at the forest.” She smiled, now at her full size. “You should be churuly awesome on your own, and now you have your radishes too! Oh and… chu need to watch out for the rankars. I hope you were smart enough to steal a weapon. I don’t have any for chu.” With that, she placed him at the forest entrance. “And don’t come back!”


End file.
